Over the past 10 years, I have learned a few tricks that have helped me deal with this disease a little better. Now keep in mind that these tips may not work the same for everyone, as we all know, no two people have the same symptoms so adjust to your own needs. And just as a reminder, while I am pretty awesome, I'm not a medical doctor so don't get your panties in a wad if something doesn't work...
Barium... This word brings fear to many Crohnies, myself included. Some may try and trick you by saying things like "Oh, it tastes like a vanilla milkshake"... I don't know where YOU get your shakes, but where I do they don't taste like chalk and crap! You can put a man on the moon but you can't make Barium taste better!? Come on!... What I do to make the experience a little less unpleasant, is I bring my own Hershey's chocolate syrup and mix it in with the barium. It masks the disgusting taste while allowing the barium to still coat your intestines properly! Voila! You're welcome...
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Crohn's Convos
So this gem happened tonight while texting my friend Lizzy... Enjoy.
Lizzy: Tammy is so funny. She just asked me what kinds of snacks we want when we go there. She said "Toria has a pretty strong diet doesnt she?"
Lizzy: Not strong!
Lizzy: Strict
Me: Hahahahahahaha that is the best thing thing I've read all day!
Me: Yeah Toria SHOULD have a strict diet, buuuut she's chubby and doesnt so anything works
Lizzy: HAHAHAHAHA!
Me: I will make sure to bring plenty of imodium and bentyl in respect for Tammy's toilet.
Lizzy: Tammy is so funny. She just asked me what kinds of snacks we want when we go there. She said "Toria has a pretty strong diet doesnt she?"
Lizzy: Not strong!
Lizzy: Strict
Me: Hahahahahahaha that is the best thing thing I've read all day!
Me: Yeah Toria SHOULD have a strict diet, buuuut she's chubby and doesnt so anything works
Lizzy: HAHAHAHAHA!
Me: I will make sure to bring plenty of imodium and bentyl in respect for Tammy's toilet.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
TP Wars
So as I was strolling the aisles of my local grocery store the other day, picking up some TP, it dawned on me... TP selection is a complex process that many people just don't know about! So I feel that it is my duty as your Crohn's guide, to break down this TP situation for you. This is serious so you might wanna grab a pen and paper to take notes.
One Ply: You know what? I don't play that game... Nope. One ply TP should not even be put in the TP category, it's blasphemy! You are better off using your bare hands than this joke of an invention. One Ply is a NO in my Crohn's book... Rant Over...
Extra Strong: Beware lint haters of the world. This TP just became your worst nightmare. I don't know if this an issue that only I would have or if there are others out there that are as strange as myself. But TP should not leave lint behind. TP's sole job is to help keep you clean, and I'm pretty sure lint is not clean... If lint does not however bother you, because you are sane and I am not, then go for it! It's a mediocre option though...
Extra Soft: Ladies and Gentleman, this option in my book is a WIN! It offers the strength of an Extra Strong option without the lint leftovers! What more could you possibly ask for??? Just trust me on this one... I'm an expert. But seriously, I am...
With Aloe: Now this is a tricky one, so pay attention. TP with aloe is for many, a dream invention. This type is especially well suited for those who are experiencing a Crohn's flare or those prepping for a colonoscopy or any procedure that requires you to clean your colon out. It does a good job for times that extra poopy breaks are necessary and your bum gets a little sore from all the extra exercise. The reason why I ONLY recommend this for shitty situation (pun intended), is because for us females, getting it near your girly parts will end in some not so pleasant symptoms... I'll leave it at that... I said good day sir!
Regular: I wish I knew a way to make regular sound more interesting but ain't nobody got time for dat... Just make sure you pick a Two Ply option...I'm watching you... Yeah you on aisle 6! Put that One Ply down! Year right it fell in your hand!
TP to many is just another boring, routine of life. But for some of us, it is a way of life. We didn't choose the Crohn's life, it chose us.
So to all my fellow TP connoisseurs, I raise my empty toilet roll to you... To bums, may we always keep their best interest at heart while purchasing TP.
One Ply: You know what? I don't play that game... Nope. One ply TP should not even be put in the TP category, it's blasphemy! You are better off using your bare hands than this joke of an invention. One Ply is a NO in my Crohn's book... Rant Over...
Extra Strong: Beware lint haters of the world. This TP just became your worst nightmare. I don't know if this an issue that only I would have or if there are others out there that are as strange as myself. But TP should not leave lint behind. TP's sole job is to help keep you clean, and I'm pretty sure lint is not clean... If lint does not however bother you, because you are sane and I am not, then go for it! It's a mediocre option though...
Extra Soft: Ladies and Gentleman, this option in my book is a WIN! It offers the strength of an Extra Strong option without the lint leftovers! What more could you possibly ask for??? Just trust me on this one... I'm an expert. But seriously, I am...
With Aloe: Now this is a tricky one, so pay attention. TP with aloe is for many, a dream invention. This type is especially well suited for those who are experiencing a Crohn's flare or those prepping for a colonoscopy or any procedure that requires you to clean your colon out. It does a good job for times that extra poopy breaks are necessary and your bum gets a little sore from all the extra exercise. The reason why I ONLY recommend this for shitty situation (pun intended), is because for us females, getting it near your girly parts will end in some not so pleasant symptoms... I'll leave it at that... I said good day sir!
Regular: I wish I knew a way to make regular sound more interesting but ain't nobody got time for dat... Just make sure you pick a Two Ply option...I'm watching you... Yeah you on aisle 6! Put that One Ply down! Year right it fell in your hand!
TP to many is just another boring, routine of life. But for some of us, it is a way of life. We didn't choose the Crohn's life, it chose us.
So to all my fellow TP connoisseurs, I raise my empty toilet roll to you... To bums, may we always keep their best interest at heart while purchasing TP.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Welcome To MY World
Poop...
Ok, pfew glad I got that out of the way!
If you will be reading this blog, then you know that the words "poop", "shadoobie", "shapoopie", "shit", "shit storm", "ass fire" will all be thrown around at some point or another. So, if you do not like any of these words then you will most likely NOT enjoy this blog.
Now however, if you ARE in fact comfortable with talking about poop on a daily basis, then welcome to the wonderful world of Crohn's Disease! I am Ri, and I will be your guide through this ridiculous universe I call "daily life".
I decided to start this blog because for the past 10 years I have been battling my own body and my body is winning, and that makes me angry. This blog is for people who are out there in the same shoes, who have nowhere to go to get information or see if what they are experiencing is in fact "normal" or not. I am also here to tell you that it does get better, you DO learn to live with the symptoms, you DO learn how to ignore people's stupid comments about how your look perfectly fine but YOU know your stomach is eating itself, you DO have good days... . I also find humor in a lot of the situations this illness has put me in and sometimes it's nice to know that through it all, you can still smile.
I am not a medical doctor in any way, shape or form, so any advice or tricks that I post about are not guaranteed to work for everyone, they will merely be stories of how I have learned what does, and does not work for controlling my symptoms.
Long story short... This is a blog about a chronic disease, and the craziness it brings along! So enjoy! Or not... Poop haters...
Ok, pfew glad I got that out of the way!
If you will be reading this blog, then you know that the words "poop", "shadoobie", "shapoopie", "shit", "shit storm", "ass fire" will all be thrown around at some point or another. So, if you do not like any of these words then you will most likely NOT enjoy this blog.
Now however, if you ARE in fact comfortable with talking about poop on a daily basis, then welcome to the wonderful world of Crohn's Disease! I am Ri, and I will be your guide through this ridiculous universe I call "daily life".
I decided to start this blog because for the past 10 years I have been battling my own body and my body is winning, and that makes me angry. This blog is for people who are out there in the same shoes, who have nowhere to go to get information or see if what they are experiencing is in fact "normal" or not. I am also here to tell you that it does get better, you DO learn to live with the symptoms, you DO learn how to ignore people's stupid comments about how your look perfectly fine but YOU know your stomach is eating itself, you DO have good days... . I also find humor in a lot of the situations this illness has put me in and sometimes it's nice to know that through it all, you can still smile.
I am not a medical doctor in any way, shape or form, so any advice or tricks that I post about are not guaranteed to work for everyone, they will merely be stories of how I have learned what does, and does not work for controlling my symptoms.
Long story short... This is a blog about a chronic disease, and the craziness it brings along! So enjoy! Or not... Poop haters...
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